The Real Root of Overwhelm (It’s Not Your Calendar or Your To-Do List)

Let me start with a bold statement:

Overwhelm doesn’t come from your calendar, your to-do list, or the volume of responsibilities in your life.

It comes from thought.

It comes from that relentless voice inside your head – the one I often call the inner critic. And if you’re a high achiever, I’ll bet you know that voice well. It says things like:

“You should be doing more.”
“Why haven’t you finished that already?”
“If you don’t keep going, everything will fall apart.”

Sound familiar?

Coping... or Crashing?

For a long time, I thought I was coping. Sure, I was busy. Constantly. But I was holding it together, just about.

There were whispers from my body that something wasn’t right. A stubborn cold I couldn’t shake, poor sleep, a feeling like I just couldn't stop. But I brushed them off. I’d tell myself, “I just need to get through this week,” or “Once this project is done, I’ll rest.”

The truth was, I was slipping from coping to crashing. And I didn’t see it coming.

Until one Tuesday morning, ten years ago, I walked into my office as a headteacher, looked at my computer… and couldn’t turn it on. Not wouldn’t. Couldn’t. My body had shut down. I walked out that day and never went back.

Burnout didn’t arrive overnight. It was the result of years of “overing”:

• Overworking

• Overthinking

• Overgiving

• Overachieving

It wasn’t really people-pleasing. It was inner critic pleasing.

Because that voice inside me never said, “Well done.” It only ever said, “More.”

The High Achiever’s Version of Overwhelm

If you’re like me and you’re driven, reliable, the one everyone else counts on, then you might not look overwhelmed from the outside.
You might look like you’re smashing it.
You might be ticking everything off your list, managing all the plates, spinning everything like a pro.

But inside, you might feel like someone is sitting on your chest. That’s what overwhelm felt like to me. Heavy. Tight. Like I couldn’t breathe.

And yet, what did I do when I felt that way?

I did more.
I got more organised.
More efficient.
More productive.
Because I believed that was the answer.

I thought: If I can just get on top of everything, I’ll feel better.

But the list never ends, does it?

That’s the trick of the inner critic. It convinces you that relief lies in getting through it all, but it moves the finish line every time.

Why We Miss the Signs

So why do high achievers miss the signs of overwhelm?

Because we’ve been taught, often from a very young age, that doing more equals being more. That approval, love, and safety are earned by saying yes. By keeping everyone else happy. By being “on it” all the time.

And when saying no feels scary, when rest feels selfish, when pausing feels like failure… it’s no wonder we keep going.

But here's the thing: your body always knows.

It whispers at first. Then it speaks. Then it shouts. And eventually, like me, you might find it screaming to be heard.

By that time, you’re beyond tired. You’re adrenally and emotionally exhausted. And it looks like you’re broken. But you’re not. You’ve just been listening to the wrong voice for far too long.

Overwhelm is a Thought, Not a Fact

This is one of the most powerful insights I’ve had and the one I now share with my clients.

Overwhelm is not caused by your to-do list.
It’s caused by what you think about your to-do list.

It’s not the calendar that creates the weight.
It’s the belief that you must nail it all perfectly and now.

When we believe those thoughts, our nervous system floods with stress. Our body goes into overdrive. And ironically, we become less productive, less creative, and more exhausted than ever.

And yet we keep pushing. Because the inner critic says we should be able to manage. That if we can’t, we’re failing.

It’s not true.
You’re not failing.
You’re tired. That’s all.

The Antidote: Presence, Not Productivity

So what do we do?

We stop looking outside ourselves for relief.

We pause.
We breathe.
We tune in.

We ask our body, “What do you need?”

Sometimes the answer will be a nap. Or a walk. Or stepping away from the laptop. Sometimes it will be to say no. Or to say yes to something that feels right – not something the inner critic is shouting about.

When we listen to our body and not our mind, we start to find balance again.

You’re not a machine. You’re a human being. A beautifully sensitive, intuitive one at that. And you deserve rest, support, and compassion – not just relentless output.

Let This Be Your Turning Point

So if you’re reading this, and you feel like you’re on that slippery slope from coping to crashing, please know:

You’re not weak.
You’re not failing.
You’re not alone.

And there is another way.

You don’t need to earn your worth through exhaustion.
You don’t need to keep proving your value through burnout.

You are enough, exactly as you are. Even if you do less. Even if you rest. Even if you put yourself first for once.

And if the inner critic is still yelling at you, that’s okay. You don’t have to argue with it. Just don’t let it drive the bus.

Come back to presence.

Come back to breath.
Come back to you.

You’ve got this.
And I’ve got you.

Ready to take the next steps then visit www.claredownham.com to get hold of my latest helpful gift!