Why Letting Go Is Not Something You Do (And What Actually Helps)

The 4 a.m. Spiral

Earlier this week, I found myself lying awake at 4 a.m.. My mind was busy. Not with anything urgent or real, but with imagined problems it had somehow decided needed solving. Can you relate to that? Lying there, trying to get back to sleep, only to find your mind generating one unnecessary worry after another?

I know I am not the only one.

My mind, much like yours perhaps, loves solving problems. It thrives on it. In the business mentoring I love to do with other solopreneurs, in strategizing in own life and business and even in figuring out how to fix a bit of our camper van. There’s something deeply satisfying about it. But sometimes, that same problem-solving mind looks for something to fix even when there is nothing wrong. Especially at 4 a.m..

So, there I was. Awake and chasing down imaginary problems. Until something occurred to me.

I started silently breathing in the word let and breathing out the word go. Just repeating that. Let go. Let go. And something softened.

The Illusion of Letting Go as a To-Do

In the light of day, I reflected on that moment. I realised how easily letting go can become yet another thing we try to do. Especially for the high achievers I often work with. They carry so much. So much drive, passion, responsibility and often, a very loud inner critic.

When that inner critic is active, letting go can look like a fight. A battle to silence that voice, to push it down or talk over it. A determination to squash the story and get back to calm. And I understand that. But from a 3 Principles perspective, this only adds fuel to the fire.

You may have heard the saying, “What you resist persists.” That’s exactly what happens here. We start thinking about our thinking. Trying to fix it, trying to chase it away and it is exhausting.

The Tiredness of Overthinking

From the outside, this might look like mindfulness. Watching your thoughts. Letting them pass. But if we are trying to do that, trying to make it happen through willpower, it quickly becomes another exhausting strategy.

What shifts everything is not effort. It is insight.

And that insight often begins in the body.

The Wisdom in Your Body

From a 3 Principles perspective, the body is one of our clearest guides. When we are tangled up in critical or anxious thought, the body feels it first. There’s tightness, contraction and tension. Even if we do notice it much of the time it is there.

Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is to notice those sensations without adding more story to them. To see the ache in your chest, the clenching in your stomach, the restlessness in your limbs, not as problems to solve, but as signals that we’re caught in unhelpful thought.

I often describe it like a child’s collage. Crunchy leaves, soft moss, spiky conker shells. It is all just texture. Sensation. And naming what we notice without needing to fix it brings us out of the head and back into the present moment.

A Metaphor That Sticks

I have shared this metaphor before, and maybe it is time to share it again.

Imagine me hitting myself on the side of the head with a ruler. I complain to you about the pain. I tell you I have tried lavender oil, water, rest, distraction and nothing is helping the ache.

You would probably say, quite sensibly, “Stop hitting yourself on the head.”

That is what letting go through insight looks like.

It is not that someone tells you to put the ruler down and you force yourself to do it. It is that you see what is really causing the pain. And once you see it, it makes sense to stop.

Letting Go Is a Seeing Through

Letting go is not a task. It is what happens naturally when we realise we are holding onto thought that is not helpful.

When we see clearly that the discomfort we feel is coming from thought, not reality, we stop gripping it so tightly. Just like we would let go of a hot stone once we realised it was burning us.

And this is where the 3 Principles are so powerful. They point us to where experience is actually being created. Not in the world, but through thought, consciousness and mind in the moment.

The Inner Critic Cannot Solve Itself

One thing I often see with clients is the mind trying to solve the problem of the inner critic using the very same patterns that created it. It is like the inner critic trying to get rid of itself.

It will say, “If I just work out how to think better thoughts, or manage this better, then I’ll be free.” But that keeps us trapped in a loop. More effort. More resistance. More exhaustion.

What we need is not better strategies. We need a deeper seeing.

Back to Breath and Simplicity

In that moment at 4 a.m., my mind did not need to be silenced or overruled. It simply needed to be unhooked.

Let go. Let go.

The rhythm of my breath gave my attention somewhere gentler to rest. It was not about distraction for the sake of escape. It was a return to something quieter, something simpler. A chance for the mind to settle on its own.

You might find that helpful too. You might prefer something else. A phrase, a song in your head, the feeling of your feet on the ground. It does not matter. What matters is understanding where your feelings are coming from.

From Resistance to Realisation

Letting go is not about fighting thought. It is about seeing through it.

Once we see how experience is being created, we do not need to do letting go. It happens naturally. Like exhaling. Like setting something heavy down once we realise we were never meant to carry it.

So, if you are caught in overthinking, or battling with an inner critic, please know this:

You are not doing it wrong. You are simply holding something your system was never meant to carry. And the moment you see that for what it is, you will let it go. Without effort. Without strategy. With insight.

And that, really, is the path to freedom.

Would You Like to Explore This More Deeply?

If this resonates and you are ready to stop fighting and start seeing clearly, I invite you to book a Thriving Life Clarity Call. We can explore what it would mean for you to let go through insight, not effort.

Take care and much love, Clare x