Why Perfectionism Feels So Heavy and What’s Actually True Beneath It

Perfectionism from the Inside Out

I want to talk about perfectionism, not from the angle of performance tips or productivity hacks, but from the inside out. This isn’t a checklist for overcoming it. It’s an invitation to see perfectionism for what it really is: a thought. Not truth, not a personal flaw. Just a passing voice in the mind that has felt so real for so long.

And I say that as someone who’s still very much on this journey. A recovering perfectionist, if ever there was one.

From a Three Principles perspective, everything we experience begins in thought and perfectionism is no different. It’s not a personality trait or a character defect. It’s simply a habit of believing a particular stream of thinking that says, this isn’t good enough, you’re not ready, you should be better than this.

The Private Proof of Perfectionism

For years, I created content for platforms like Insight Timer. I’d plan my courses meticulously, and I started noticing something strange. I wasn’t just outlining lessons. I was obsessively formatting the draft document. A document no one else would ever see. Aligning bullet points, reworking headers and trying to make a planning table look right.

And that’s when it hit me. I was trying to perfect something invisible to the outside world. That’s how deep it had gone.

Who was I doing it for?

That moment was one of those sideways smacks from life. You suddenly wake up to just how much energy you’re spending trying to meet a standard that doesn’t exist.

But Who Decides What’s Perfect?

I looked up the definition of perfectionism and saw it described as a “doctrine holding that perfection is attainable.”, and I couldn’t help but ask: who decides what perfect is?

Especially in human or spiritual life, where on earth is the rulebook?

Even Sydney Banks, whose insights into the Three Principles have helped so many of us, was known to be a bit grumpy at times. Enlightened, yes, but also human. So how could any of us possibly define or attain some flawless state?

We know from history how dangerous the pursuit of a single definition of perfection can be. But even in our daily lives, it’s equally limiting. For many business owners I work with, this fixation on getting things just right leads to silence. They don’t share their offers, don’t publish the post, don’t launch the thing because it never feels ready and “good enough” isn’t enough.

One powerful thing I often say to these clients is that our individual perfectionist thoughts are only ours. They have nothing to do with what people out there might think or respond. We can only really find out if something is helpful in the outside world if we go ahead and share it. Perfectionism can really stop us from doing that when we believe the thoughts that say it is not ready yet.

Perfectionism Lives in the Body

From a Three Principles perspective, thought doesn’t just shape our emotional state. It shows up in the body. You can feel perfectionism.

It might feel like tightness in the chest.

A frozen sense of stuckness.

A racing urgency to get everything done now.

Or a heavy overwhelm that keeps you from starting at all.

That discomfort is not a flaw, it’s a signal. It’s your body letting you know you’re believing something that isn’t true.

It’s not laziness. It’s not fear, though fear is often in the mix. It’s simply that when we believe we’re not good enough, our nervous system reacts. That’s how powerful thought is.

Thought is Not the Truth of You

I used to believe that voice in my head was me. The one saying, you’re not ready, this isn’t good enough, you need to work harder before you can share this. It sounded so convincing.

But it wasn’t me.

And it’s not you either.

That perfectionist voice is a cloud drifting through the sky. You are the sky.

From a Three Principles perspective, our true nature is something deeper and far more reliable than the content of our thinking. Universal energy. Consciousness. Wholeness. The part of us that doesn’t need fixing.

Perfectionism is learned. Tiny children aren’t perfectionists. They dance freely. They don’t care if anyone’s watching or if they’re doing it “right.” It’s only as we grow and absorb conditioning that we begin to believe otherwise.

The Illusion of "Getting It Right"

A while ago, I ran a webinar and accidentally sent out the wrong video link, twice. First without the slides. Then with no video link at all. By the third try, I got it right and you know what? People still signed up. Nothing broke. No one judged me. In fact, I laughed my head off. It was a beautiful reminder that I don’t need to get it right every time.

And neither do you.

The truth is, we all have alarms going off, metaphoric or literal. We all have imperfect content and tangled sentences and yet, life continues. Business continues. Connection continues.

What if we stopped making perfection the price of progress?

Real Change Comes from Presence, Not Pressure

So where do we go from here?

First, notice how perfectionism feels in your body. Let that discomfort be a compass. Remember that it’s not a warning sign that something’s wrong with you, but a gentle nudge that you’re believing something untrue.

Then take a breath. Settle. Feel into what’s real beneath the noise.

You don’t have to fix your thoughts. You don’t have to fix yourself.

There’s nothing missing in you.

When we stop resisting what is, or stop arguing with reality, as Byron Katie would say, we find a kind of peace that isn’t the result of achievement, but the absence of inner struggle.

It’s in that quiet that inspiration arises. Aligned action becomes clear. Your true voice speaks without effort or fear.

And maybe, just maybe, everything is already okay exactly as it is.

If this resonates and you’re a business owner feeling stuck in overthinking or self-doubt, I invite you to book a Thriving Life Clarity Call. No pressure. Just a calm space to explore what’s true, and what’s possible when perfectionism no longer leads the way.

You are already whole. Let’s start there.