Why You Can’t Fix How You Feel and What Brings Real Peace Instead

The Innocence of Wanting to Feel Better

This reflection is one I wrote while holding someone I care about deeply in my heart. It’s also for me and maybe it’s for you too.

As human beings, we want to feel good. It’s the most natural thing and most of us are doing what we can, every day, to chase that good feeling.

We reach for food, for productivity, for a relationship, for the next rung on the ladder.

We scroll, we date, we try to achieve more. We keep trying to solve how we feel.

I spent years doing just that.

For me, it looked like disordered eating, obsessive busyness, and seeking validation in relationships and work. For a long time, my life was a series of attempts to fix a feeling I didn’t understand.

While some of those things helped for a moment, none of them lasted because you can’t fix a feeling by doing more.

You Can’t Out-Do a Feeling

From a 3 Principles perspective, feelings come from thought in the moment. They do not come from our past, our future or what’s happening around us.

The moment we feel off, our mind races to do something about it. The intellect offers options, like “fix this”, “solve that”, “eat something”, “message someone”, or “make a decision”.

But here's the irony. That same thinking created the feeling in the first place.

So, we end up believing thought, then trying to resolve that discomfort with more thought. It’s like shaking a snow globe and trying to make it settle by shaking it harder.

It doesn’t work.

The more we do from a stirred-up mind, the more noise we create. We try to think our way into peace, but peace doesn’t live in stirred-up thinking. It lives underneath it.

Slowing Down Changes Everything

I’ve come to see that peace is always there. It’s never far away. In fact, it’s never more than a single thought away.

When we slow down a little or pause, even briefly, the snow in the globe starts to settle. The mind clears, clarity returns and wisdom, which was always there, becomes visible again.

From a 3 Principles perspective, we are not the content of our thoughts. We are not our emotional weather. We are the sky that holds it all and the calm awareness underneath the swirl.

Sometimes, all it takes is a breath, a pause and a mere moment of not doing anything.

Suddenly, what looked like a problem doesn’t anymore or a next step becomes clear without you having to force it.

The Myth of the Right Fix

When I burned out, it was because I believed something out there would finally make me feel okay. A better job and more success, a relationship that worked and a lively social life. I kept chasing peace outside myself and that chase was just too much for my eventually exhausted body.

But I learned the hard way that peace isn’t out there. It doesn’t live in your to-do list, your partner, your bank account or your inbox.

It lives within you and always has.

And the faster we move, the harder it is to hear it.

That’s why slowing down isn’t passivity. It’s the best route to clarity.

You Can’t Think Clearly from a Noisy Mind

Here’s something I often say to clients. If you’re stirred up, it’s not the time to act.

The intellect might scream for action, but that urgency is a red flag. From a 3 Principles perspective, it simply means you’re caught up in thought.

You don’t need to fix your state of mind before clarity returns. You just need to stop trying so hard.

Let the thought storm pass and give yourself permission to wait.

Your Body Will Let You Know

We don’t need to overanalyse our thoughts to know we’re caught up because the body always tells us.

For me, it might be tightness in the chest, a buzzing urgency or a feeling of being disconnected or overwhelmed. For you, it might be something else.

But that discomfort is not a flaw. It’s a helpful signal.

It’s your body saying, “Your mind is noisy right now. It’s time to pause”.

A Story About Not Reacting

There was a time when I would instantly react to upsetting messages from a certain person in my life. I’d fire back from frustration, trying to get relief from the discomfort. One day, in the middle of reading a particularly unpleasant message, I heard a quiet voice in my mind say, “Put your phone down. You are not in a fit state to answer this.”

So, I did and when I came back to it later, I barely recognised the emotional charge I’d felt earlier. That one small act of waiting changed everything.

Not because I fixed the situation but because I let my state of mind settle first.

From Reaction to Response

There’s a difference between reacting to a feeling and responding from deeper knowing.

One is fast and frantic, but the other is grounded and wise.

Reacting is driven by urgency.

Responding comes when we’ve remembered who we are beneath the noise.

We all fall into reaction because we all get caught up sometimes, but we can learn to see when we’re in it. We can practice recognising when we’re stirred up and the more we see it, the less we follow it.

You Are Already Whole

None of this is about fixing you because from a 3 Principles perspective, you don’t need fixing.

You are not broken.

That heavy feeling doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It just means your thinking has sped up.

You don’t need to solve that feeling.

You don’t need to chase a better one.

You just need to pause.

Peace is not something you earn. It’s something you uncover when the storm settles and it’s always closer than it seems.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or stuck in overthinking, you’re warmly invited to book a Thriving Life Clarity Call. No pressure. Just a calm space to reconnect with your own wisdom.
Take a breath. Let it settle. The clarity will come.